Conversations about money, relationships, and the future can be difficult. One of the trickiest conversations parents face is how to talk to their adult children about getting a prenuptial agreement (prenup) or a cohabitation agreement. These agreements are not just for celebrities or the ultra-wealthy. They are practical, protective tools that help couples plan for the future with clarity and fairness.
If your child is preparing to marry or move in with a partner, you may be wondering how to raise the topic without sounding controlling, judgmental, or intrusive. The good news is that there are respectful, thoughtful ways to approach the subject that can strengthen your relationship with your child and empower them to make informed decisions.
This guide will help you understand what prenups and cohabitation agreements are, why they matter, and how to start the conversation with your adult children in a way that is supportive, non-judgmental, and constructive.
What Is a Prenup?
A prenuptial agreement is a written contract that couples enter into before marriage. It sets out how they will handle property, debt, and finances if the marriage ends through separation, divorce, or death. Prenups are legally binding if done correctly, which typically means they are signed voluntarily, both parties share financial disclosure, and each person understands the agreement.
Prenups can cover:
- Division of property and assets
- Protection of family businesses
- Management of debts
- Inheritance rights and estate planning
- Spousal support
Contrary to popular belief, prenups aren’t just about planning for divorce – they’re about creating a framework for clarity and fairness during a relationship, and if it ends.
What Is a Cohabitation Agreement?
A cohabitation agreement is similar to a prenup but is designed for couples who live together without being married. In Canada, cohabiting couples often develop significant legal and financial ties. In many provinces, living together for a certain number of years can give rise to rights and responsibilities similar to those of married couples.
A cohabitation agreement can cover:
- Ownership of property and assets acquired before and during the relationship
- Responsibility for household expenses and debts
- Rights if the relationship ends
- Protection for children from previous relationships
- Estate planning considerations
For couples who are not planning to marry but are moving in with a partner, a cohabitation agreement is a powerful tool to reduce conflict and uncertainty later on.
Why Parents May Want to Raise This Conversation
As a parent, you have probably witnessed the consequences of breakups among family, friends, or colleagues. You may also be aware of how complicated and expensive separation can be without a written agreement. Your adult child may not have this perspective, or they may assume that agreements are only necessary for people with large fortunes.
There are a lot of great reasons why you may want to start this conversation with your child:
- Protecting your child’s financial security
- Safeguarding family businesses or inheritances
- Reducing the risk of prolonged legal disputes if the relationship ends
- Encouraging healthy communication between your child and their partner
- Promoting fairness and clarity
These are all great reasons to have a conversation about prenups or cohabitation agreements with your child. The challenge in this situation often lies in how to raise the subject with your child in a way that feels supportive and collaborative.
Common Fears Parents Have
Parents often hesitate to raise this subject because they do not want to:
- Appear to distrust their child’s partner
- Create tension in the relationship
- Seem controlling or overbearing
- Undermine the joy of an engagement or new cohabitation
These are valid concerns. This is a conversation that requires trust, sensitivity, and at least a little bit of tact. The key is to approach the conversation with empathy, respect, and an emphasis on empowerment rather than criticism.
How to Prepare for the Conversation
Before you talk to your adult child, it helps to prepare. Here are some steps to set yourself up for success:
- Educate yourself. Learn the basics about prenups and cohabitation agreements in your province. This will help you explain the benefits in clear and practical terms. We have many articles available here to provide you with background, and a free province-specific guide included in our Prenup Starter Kit.
- Clarify your intentions. Ask yourself why you want to raise the topic. If your motivation is to protect your child and encourage them to plan thoughtfully, that intention will come through.
- Choose the right time. Avoid bringing up the subject in the middle of a celebration or stressful period. Pick a calm, private moment when your child is more likely to be open.
- Plan your language. Think about phrasing that emphasizes care and support rather than control or criticism.
How to Talk to Your Adult Children About Prenups or Cohabitation Agreements
Here are strategies for making the conversation constructive and respectful.
1. Lead with Care and Respect
Start by expressing your love and support for your child. Make it clear that your concern comes from a place of wanting the best for them. For example:
“I love you and I want you to have a strong, healthy future with your partner. Something that might help is having a written agreement so that everything is clear and fair.”
By framing it in terms of care, you lower the risk of your child feeling judged.
2. Normalize the Conversation
One of the biggest barriers to prenups and cohabitation agreements is stigma. Many people think these agreements mean a lack of trust or confidence in the relationship. Reassure your child that agreements are becoming more common and are seen as a responsible step.
You could say:
“Lots of couples are choosing prenups and cohabitation agreements today. They are not about expecting a breakup, they are about being clear and fair in how you both want to handle things.”
3. Emphasize Protection for Both Partners
Frame the agreement as something that protects not just your child, but their partner too. Stress that the goal is fairness and mutual respect.
“Having an agreement actually protects both of you. It means that if life throws you curveballs, you already know what you agreed on, instead of facing stress and uncertainty later.”
4. Use Real-Life Examples
Sometimes it helps to connect the idea to real-world experiences. Without gossiping or oversharing, you might mention a story about how a friend’s separation became complicated because there was no agreement, or how an agreement helped another family avoid conflict.
Stories can make the concept more relatable and less abstract.
5. Encourage Their Independence
Remind your child that the decision is ultimately theirs. Your role is to suggest and support, not to dictate.
“I know this is your relationship and your choice. I just wanted to share this idea because it might help protect you both. Whatever you decide, I support you.”
This reassures them that you respect their autonomy.
6. Suggest Professional Resources
Your child may be more receptive if they hear the information from a neutral professional or a trusted tool. You can point them to resources like Jointly’s online platform, which offers accessible, affordable options for creating agreements.
“Jointly has a really helpful online tool that explains what agreements cover and walks you through creating one. It might be worth looking at together with your partner.”
If you want to make it as easy as possible, you can gift your child a Jointly agreement by registering here.
Common Reactions and How to Respond
Your child may react in different ways. Here are some common responses and how you can handle them:
- “We don’t need that, we trust each other.”
Acknowledge their trust and explain that agreements are not about distrust, but about planning.
“Trust is exactly why this works. When you trust each other, you can have these conversations openly and set things up fairly.” - “We don’t have enough money for that.”
Reassure them that agreements are useful no matter what their financial situation looks like.
“You may not have much now, but life changes. An agreement covers future earnings and property too, not just what you have today.” - “It feels unromantic.”
Validate their feelings while reframing the idea.
“I understand. It might not feel romantic, but love is also about planning for the future and protecting each other. Having a plan is actually a sign of commitment.”
Benefits of Starting This Conversation
While difficult, talking to your adult children about prenups and cohabitation agreements can bring several benefits:
- Strengthens family communication
- Helps your child avoid future conflict and expense
- Encourages couples to have honest conversations about money
- Reduces stigma around proactive relationship planning
- Creates peace of mind for everyone involved
By approaching the topic with care, you are not just protecting your child. You are also modeling how to handle challenging conversations with empathy and respect.
Final Thoughts
Bringing up the idea of a prenup or cohabitation agreement with your adult children can feel daunting. But with the right approach, it can be an empowering and positive conversation. By leading with care, normalizing the idea, emphasizing fairness, and encouraging independence, you can support your child in making thoughtful choices about their future.
At Jointly, we believe that agreements are not about expecting failure. They are about building stronger relationships by creating clarity, reducing conflict, and fostering mutual respect. If you or your child want to learn more, visit getjointly.ca to explore accessible, affordable tools that make relationship agreements easier than ever.
I founded Jointly because I want to empower more Canadians with the knowledge and tools to create relationship agreements that work for them, at a price they can afford. My big dream? That reaching more Canadians with Jointly ultimately keeps more families out of the court system when relationships breakdown, which can be slow, expensive and traumatic. (I may or may not have personal experience with this 😅)
When I'm not lawyering, I'm most likely hiking with my dogs, kayaking the coastal waters around North Vancouver, or hitting the sauna and cold plunge.
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