How Making a Prenup Can Bring You Closer as a Couple

When people think about prenuptial agreements, they often imagine legal negotiations, financial protection, and “just in case” planning. What’s less commonly understood, but deeply important, is that creating a prenup can actually be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.

At its heart, a prenup isn’t just a legal document. It’s a structured way to have some of the most important conversations couples can have: about money, values, expectations, and the future. When approached with care, curiosity, and respect, the process can bring couples closer together.

Shifting the Narrative Around Prenups

For generations, prenups have carried a heavy stigma: a perceived lack of trust, or an implication that a relationship is doomed. But today’s couples are rethinking that narrative. Many are choosing prenups as part of building a thoughtful, equitable life together.

“A prenup isn’t about mistrust. It’s about clarity,” says Amanda Baron, lawyer and co-founder of Jointly. “It’s about creating shared understanding and being proactive about how you want to support each other if things change.”

Modern prenups reflect a more collaborative mindset. They’re not about preparing for failure. They’re about protecting the relationship by reducing future conflict and uncertainty.

Communication Is the Core

The process of making a prenup can bring up emotions, differing values, or even hidden anxieties. That’s exactly why it can also be so powerful for couples.

To write a prenup, couples need to:

• Talk openly about their financial history, assets, and debts
• Discuss goals around careers, children, caregiving, and retirement
• Understand each other’s expectations around property, support, and contribution
• Navigate fairness in the context of changing life circumstances

Done right, these conversations increase transparency and trust — two of the cornerstones of long-lasting relationships.

We asked relationship therapist Nat Roman from Couple Therapy Toronto why some couples struggle to communicate about these topics. Nat says it often comes down to fear:

It is scary to talk about our fears. It is scary because of the fears themselves and also because of the potential implications for our relationships. What if I’m judged or rejected because of my income, my debt, or my spending habits? What if I’m judged or rejected because I’m seen as too stingy or uptight about money, or too indulgent and materialistic?

Just like with sex, some couples get lucky and their desires, needs, expectations, and abilities perfectly line up with those of their partners, and they don’t need to have a lot of explicit conversations to get on the same page. For the majority of relationships, communication about finances is both necessary and desirable for the sake of the relationship and to ensure that each individual is keeping themselves safe and making good decisions.

Turning a Legal Process into a Relational Practice

While the legal outcome of a prenup matters, the real value for many couples is in the journey: sitting down together, asking tough questions, and making intentional decisions.

“So much of relationship conflict comes from assumptions or silence,” says Amanda. “Making a prenup invites you to be proactive and explicit about what matters to each of you.”

This is a chance to align your vision for the future. Not just what happens if you separate, but how you share life while together. Some prenups include clauses about:

• How partners will contribute to savings
• What happens if one person steps back from work to care for children
• Agreements around inheritances or gifts from family
• How property should be treated if bought together

The act of making decisions together, and naming them, can bring a sense of unity and purpose to the relationship.

Navigating Disagreements with Empathy

Like any meaningful conversation, making a prenup can surface disagreement. That’s not a sign something’s wrong. It’s a sign that you’re two individuals learning how to be in a partnership.

The key is in how you navigate that disagreement. Do you stay curious? Can you listen to your partner’s fears without becoming defensive? Can you move toward a solution, even if it’s imperfect?

According to Nat, there are no set rules for communication, but these things can help:

Good intentions

Starting with an acknowledgment of the good intentions behind the need for these conversations can be a great way to prime each of you for a positive outcome and have a reference point to orient yourselves back to this good intention if you get lost in details or if disagreements emerge. This might sound like: “I want to talk to you about our finances and how we plan on making financial decisions because I really want us to both feel good about our decisions and I want to avoid any unnecessary conflict.”

Acknowledging fear or hesitation

If you notice hesitation or anxiety coming up for you about having these conversations, working together to identify the fears and planning for them can increase confidence and help you stay on track.

Time Limits

Having clear time limits and scheduled meetings can be important to make these conversations doable and not feel overwhelming. 

External Support

Understanding and articulating the limits of your knowledge and when you need to reach out for external support is important as well.

Jointly’s platform is intended to guide you through the law in your province and make your decision-making process as straightforward as possible. That doesn’t mean talking about money is easy. If you’re anxious about money or having trouble communicating about it, a couples’ therapist can be a great resource.

Planning Isn’t Unromantic — It’s Responsible

There’s nothing unromantic about planning. Couples plan weddings, finances, travel, careers. Why not plan for how to take care of each other no matter what the future holds?

When done well, a prenup is less about “protection from” and more about “care for.” It says: I love you enough to want things to be fair, no matter what. I respect you enough to ask you what you need. I trust you enough to be honest about what I need, too.

“This kind of planning reflects a mature, grounded love,” says Amanda. “It’s about being a team, not just in the good times, but in the hard ones too.”

Final Thoughts

Creating a prenup isn’t just a legal task, it’s a relationship tool. It asks both partners to think deeply, communicate clearly, and consider how to support each other across time. When couples approach it thoughtfully, with curiosity and compassion, it can deepen trust and bring them closer than ever.

Author Note:
Thanks to Nat Roman of Couple Therapy Toronto, Registered Psychotherapist and Couples Therapist, with expertise in emotionally focused and evidence-based approaches to couple well-being, for speaking to us for this article.