Parents cannot use a relationship agreement to determine custody, support, or decision-making responsibilities in advance. These issues are decided by law if the couple separates, regardless of what their contract says.
Custody and Parenting Time
Relationship agreements cannot lock in custody arrangements or parenting time schedules. Courts will always prioritize the best interests of the child at the time of separation, not the preferences expressed years earlier in a contract. Parenting needs change as children grow, and agreements made when a child is young may not fit the circumstances later on.
Child Support
Child support is considered the right of the child, not the parents. This means parents cannot waive or set child support through a relationship agreement. The amount of support is determined based on federal or provincial guidelines that calculate payments according to income and parenting time.
Decision-Making Rights
Decision-making authority for important issues such as education, health care, and religion cannot be determined by contract. These responsibilities are allocated according to what is in the child’s best interests, either by agreement at the time of separation or by court order.
Why Agreements Are Good for Children
When parents separate, the process can either be managed with clarity and cooperation — or it can spiral into a contested, high-conflict divorce. Research shows that it’s not separation itself but the level of conflict between parents that most affects children’s well-being. The more uncertainty and fighting there is over money, property, and support, the harder it is for kids to adjust.That’s where relationship agreements — prenups, postnups, and cohabitation agreements — make a difference. By setting out how property, debt, and financial responsibilities will be handled if the relationship ends, these agreements give parents a roadmap. Instead of spending months or years fighting in court, families can move more quickly into a new routine.
Here’s how these agreements protect children from the fallout of separation:
Canadian Evidence: Conflict Hurts Kids
A Canadian government review of research found that parental conflict before, during, and after separation is strongly linked to negative outcomes for children, including anxiety, depression, and behaviour problems. Children in high-conflict separations are at significantly greater risk. (Department of Justice Canada)
How Agreements Ease the Transition for Families
- Prevent unnecessary conflict: Prenups, postnups, and cohabitation agreements resolve financial and property issues in advance, reducing the likelihood of contested court battles.
- Keep parents out of court: By removing financial disputes from the equation, parents are far less likely to end up in prolonged litigation.
- Stability for children: With finances and property sorted, kids can get clear answers about living arrangements and routines sooner.
- Faster emotional recovery: Less conflict means children can begin adjusting to their new reality earlier, without the prolonged uncertainty of drawn-out disputes.
Gray Area: When Children Are Mentioned in Relationship Agreements
It is common for parents to want to acknowledge children in a relationship agreement. While binding custody and support terms cannot be included, parents sometimes add aspirational language. For example, they may state their shared intention to co-parent cooperatively, or to prioritize mediation before litigation.
These statements are not enforceable in the same way as financial provisions, but they can be helpful reminders of shared values. They also set a tone of cooperation that may influence how parents handle separation if it happens.
Children are also frequently mentioned in relationship agreements in the case of blended families. If one or both partners are bringing children into a new relationship, it’s common for couples to set out their expectations in terms of the role of the new partner in the child’s life. Some new partners wish to take on the role of a parent to their step-children, while others prefer to clarify that they will not step into the role of a full parent to their step-children. This can be useful for intention setting and clarity between partners, but it’s important to note that if a judge thinks that a step-parent has stepped into the role as a full parent, it’s possible that child support and custody could be ordered later on if it’s determined to be in the best interests of the child, regardless of what the relationship agreement says.
How Custody and Support Are Actually Handled
If parents separate, custody, parenting time, and support are addressed through family law processes. Relationship agreements may offer background context, but the enforceable decisions are made after separation either by agreement or through court order if parents cannot reach agreement on their own.
Parenting Plans
A parenting plan is a written agreement that outlines how parents will share responsibilities after separation. Parenting plans cover details such as where the child will live, how time will be shared between parents, how holidays will be divided, and how decisions about schooling or health care will be made. Parenting plans are flexible and can be tailored to the needs of each family. Courts will generally respect a parenting plan if it is reasonable and in the child’s best interests.
Custody Agreements
When parents cannot agree on a parenting plan, custody agreements or court orders are used to establish responsibilities. A custody agreement sets out legal custody (decision-making authority) and physical custody (where the child lives). The terminology and details may vary depending on the province, but the principle is the same: custody agreements focus on what is best for the child.
Custody agreements are directly enforceable in law. Parents can return to court if one person does not comply.
Practical Advice for Parents
If you are a parent considering a relationship agreement, here are some practical points to keep in mind:
- Use the agreement for financial matters. A relationship agreement is highly effective for clarifying property division, debt responsibility, and spousal support. Focus on these issues when drafting.
- Acknowledge children thoughtfully. You can include general statements about parenting values, but remember these will not be binding. Keep them positive and flexible.
- Plan for cooperation. Instead of trying to set custody rules, include commitments to communicate openly, use mediation if disputes arise, and prioritize the child’s well-being.
- Understand how parenting issues are decided. Custody agreements and parenting plans are created at the time of separation, based on current circumstances. Parents should be prepared for this process if their relationship ends.
- Learn the law in your province. Each family’s situation is unique, and laws can vary between provinces. Our free Agreement Starter Kit can help you understand how relationship agreements interact with parenting issues in your province.
Relationship agreements are powerful tools for protecting couples and reducing conflict, but they are not substitutes for parenting plans or custody agreements. Parents who understand the distinction are better prepared to build agreements that are both enforceable and supportive of their children’s needs.
That’s why it’s essential to approach prenups thoughtfully, with fairness in mind. At Jointly, we make it easier to understand your options, learn about the law, and build agreements that protect your whole family – little ones included.
👉 Ready to explore your own agreement? Visit getjointly.ca to get started.
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